This was created by our friends at FireMarkMay. I figured I should give it a go, even though I have had no history of actually participating in these things ...
Peter from Burnt Orange Nation also has his answers up, and we may see more pop-up over the blogosphere over the next day or so.
Give the more zealous portion of your fanbase a religion. What's this cult following? Feel free to give the splitters a derogatory nickname.
This group worships the cliche knocks on other schools. They can't resist calling FSU "Half Ass U" or "Free Shoes University." They'll never say "Seminoles" but will instead use "Criminoles" or "Semis." They call Tennessee "UToothless" and refer to Miami as "scUM."
Their biggest enemies are the opposing fans who wear the "Gator Hater" t-shirts and type out "Gaytors" on the internet -- thinking they're original in the process.
Your biggest rival is in town, and College Gameday is coming....to your citaaaaaaay... Create a blatant corporate sellout promotion to appeal to the mass unwashed.
... Must. Refuse. Easy. Krispy Kreme. Phil Fulmer. Joke ...
When the Vols come to town this year, Motts Apple Juice will hand out small cups of apple juice in which the fans can do with what they choose. The most obvious choice of fans will be to re-enact the alleged throwing of urine on poor Phil's wife.
I mean, the bogus story has stuck for so long ... may as well take advantage of it.
Add one local delicacy to your stadium's concessions. Post-tax pricing is optional.
Ben Hill Griffin Stadium has a ton of delectable delights spread throughout the concourse level; from pulled-pork sandwiches to fried oreos, there aren't many things to complain about when it comes to the concessions menu. There is one item I would add, however, and that would be fried rice.
And it wouldn't just be any run-of-the-mill fried rice, it would be house fried rice from Steamers -- the local hole-in-the-wall located right across University Avenue from the Swamp. It would be served in a nice styrofoam tray and come with a pack of soy (more than one pack will cost you extra) and one of those spork things wrapped in plastic.
It's either that or we see Satchels replace the awfully loathesome Red Baron as the BHG Stadium pizza provider.
With an unlimited AD budget, add or subtract one thing to your school's gameday experience that has nothing to do with football.
That's easy. There needs to be some man-made "Swamp" enclosure in front of the stadium holding live Alligators. Live animal mascots really do kick ass. Plus you could make a little flow by selling live chickens to feed the large reptiles.
Mike the Tiger. Smokey. UGA. The War Eagle. The SEC is Mecca for live mascots.
Coin a hilariously unrealistic stereotype that you would like to "make stick" for this upcoming season.
NCAA Football '08 will suffer a serious glitch when it is found that Tim Tebow can actually be tackled. Big time Gator boosters and UF Frat boys will cry.
Redesign your conference or independent schedule with reckless abandon. Be prepared to include compensation for jilted schools and conferences in your explanation.
As Peter pointed out on BON, the Arkansas Razorbacks need to go. Fayetteville is, like, in another country it's so far away from Gainesville. Mapquest tells me that the University of Arkansas is located almost 16 hours from Gainesville. 16 hours. That's frickin' ridiculous.
So instead of the SEC you can join your former members of the SWC in the Big-12. That works out perfectly for both parties. The SEC loses the Woooooo Pig Sooey chant and Texas can whoop up on the Razorbacks every season.
The SEC, in place of the Hogs, would gain South Florida. The Bulls have been a constant thorn in the side of the more high-profile Big East schools, and would automatically improve their recruiting efforts in the Sunshine State with the jump.
Plus there are two SEC schools in Mississippi. With that in mind, how can you only have one in Florida?
I would also attempt to trade Clemson for Vanderbilt straight up. The Ole Ball Coach needs a heated in-conference rival outside of the ones he made while coaching in Gainesville.
Following up on your new realignment, blow up the BCS and devise a national playoff system, money grabs and missed exams be damned. Using your new fantasy conferences is optional.
Playoffs be damned. Keep it how it is.
Elect one public figure to replace NCAA president Myles Brand. Anyone with proper name recognition is eligible.
Jeff Bowden, for his highly-regarded knack for making me extremely happy. Plus he's got a ton of time on his hands. Toss sweeps to Greg Jones on third-and-short are highly underrated.