The Steve Superiors: Forecasting Florida's Future Through Song

(Edited, promoted, updated time to push to front. This is in no way because I've been running on fumes for the last little bit. Stuff on Florida-South Carolina and Florida basketball coming this evening. — Andy)

Florida travels to South Carolina this weekend. Bowl eligibility is safe, as long as Florida doesn't lose to Furman, and there's isn't much to play for other than pride. About that pride, though: UF might leave Columbia with a two-game losing streak to the Gamecocks, which would have to be a first, right?*

So, with that and our general rebuilding job in mind, I give you... 

What: "Two More Years" by Bloc Party, one of the best indie bands of this past decade. But I'm sure you knew that.

Why: Because going down to the Gamecocks for two straight years is a sad concept, indeed. Also, it appears that this rebuild is not a one-year process. I think 2012 is going to be an improvement, but I'm fairly certain it won't be the return to prominence we all want. Two more years, Gators.

The Point: 

In two more years, my sweetheart, we will see another view
such longing for the past for such completion
What was once golden has now turned a shade of grey
I've become crueler in your presence

I'm telling you, Florida football has been inspiring bands for years. Two years for another view. Longing for the past. What was once golden has now turned a shade of grey. If this isn't the story of the Gators 2009-ish to 2011, I don't know what is.

They say: 'be brave, there's a right way and a wrong way'
This pain won't last for ever, this pain won't last for ever

Two more years, there's only two more years
Two more years, there's only two more years
Two more years so hold on

Maybe they should have played this for our jackass students to hear. The top of the student section never even got close to filling up on Saturday. Do these kids suck more than usual or am I just getting old? Note: I am in my mid-20s.

*Sure, I could look this up myself, but I'm a half-assed blogger. Research isn't how I roll.

What: Iron & Wine and Calexico's brilliant cover of Bob Dylan's "Dark Eyes." 

Why: Because needing some fortunate help from the officials to beat Vandy by five points, thereby ensuring a bowl game (which was previously in doubt) qualifies as dark times, my friends. 

The Point: 

Oh, the French girl, she’s in paradise and a drunken man is at the wheel
Hunger pays a heavy price to the falling gods of speed and steel
Oh, time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies
A million faces at my feet but all I see are dark eyes

Leave it to Dylan to pack in three or more crucial ideas about Florida into one stanza. What do you mean he wasn't writing about the 2011 Gators in 1985? Of course he was. Don't be ridiculous.

Who's the French girl in paradise, you ask? 

Woeojuwejhdjwe, chienne!

The falling gods of speed and steel? Well, we were on the top of the world in January 2009 using equal parts of speed (Percy Harvin) and steel (some Tebow character). I think it's safe to say we've fallen.

The million faces with nothing but dark eyes? Our absent and quiet student section, who apparently had better things to do on Saturday afternoon than attend an SEC football game.

Where Florida Will be with a Win:

What: "Nuclear Seasons" by Charli XCX, one of a crop of awesome early-'80s inspired electronica female artists. La Roux being the most famous of which, and Class Actress being my favorite (who will no doubt make an appearance here soon).

Why: I would imagine that "nuclear season" is self-explanatory, in the big picture. But, there is hope (with a victory)...

The Point: 

No facing this on my own 'cause you taste the blast and it shook your bones
I worry you're all alone, in the field of lies, I won’t go home
Cause I, didn’t burn my skin in the blaze of glory
Come out your hands, I won’t say I’m sorry

We in the nuclear seasons in the shelter I survived this road
We in the nuclear seasons someone lovin' in the backseat gone

We survived nuclear seasons
We survived nuclear seasons



 We survived the nuclear season! For now at least. I guess our nuclear fallout shelter is scheduling FAU+UAB+Furman, and playing in a division with Kentucky and Vanderbilt.

I'll let you come up with your own scenarios for "someone lovin' in the backseat." I know, my mind went straight to Charlie Weis, too.
...

If you'll excuse me, I need to vomit.

Where Will Florida be with a Loss:

What: "Hand Covers Bruise" by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross from the brilliant soundtrack to The Social Network. An instrumental song, I know. How brave of me.

Why: Because that episode in survival against the Commodores was just a hand covering the bruises of this season. 

More importantly, there's the matter of the song itself. There are three features to this song. The first thing you hear is a scratchy, static noise (the "noise in the system" eh, Ron?). This could be the inherent problems in this program. The ones you can't fix in one offseason. The lack of players, the wrong players, the bad apples, etc. 

The second sound is this simple, childish piano tone over the top of the noise. The naive hope of a young season. The inevitable explosion in hubris and false-confidence following yet another defeat of Tennessee and another blowout of Kentucky. The stupid, benevolent insanity in trying to beat Alabama at their own game with the wrong players.

The third sound is a deep, dark, menacing tone. It sounds like a murderer coming to end the piano's short, pathetic life. It slowly envelops and destroys the piano, all the while the scratching just goes on and on, oblivious and uncaring to the brutal crime being committed in its midst. This is Alabama's defense breaking John Brantley. LSU's f--king punter embarrassing Florida. Georgia...oh, I can't go on.

BONUS ROUND:

Liverpool fans absolutely tearing the house down with "We Shall Not Be Moved" in the 1977 European Cup. You hear this, student body? These are fans who give a shit. If you're impatient, they get into full throat around the 1:00 mark. Personally, I think this chant would translate well to the Swamp, but then I'm one of those soccer freaks.