All of This is Tearing Us Apart: Postseason Muzak
by Troll2Troll on Dec 3, 2011 4:41 AM EST
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It's over, at last. The worst season of Gator football, by record, in over thirty years. I think others were more miserable in feeling (2004, 2010 for instance) but records don't lie, normally.
We all know the story of this year, so the question is: where do we go from here? Was this a mere speedbump on the road back to glory, or something deeper? The sunshine pumpers will tell you that everything is in line for a monster recruiting class, and another year in the system will produce exponentially more competent players next season for the Gators. Chicken littles will tell you (more accurately, remind you) that at numerous points this season, the players and coaching staff displayed a collective incompetence that speaks to something much more sinister and worrisome than mere inexperience.
Who is right? I don't know. Probably a little of both. This isn't a 6-6 program, even with all of the problems, but this isn't going to be fixed overnight either. With this in mind and the external issues, I give you...
What: "All of This" by New Zealand band The Naked and Famous.
Why: Because, in the words of our now doubly-fired former coach, there's a lot of noise in the system right now. Listing all of the problems is almost staggering, really. I'll spare you the pain of reading them yet again (under 60 scholarship players!). It's all there and it's tearing us apart.
The Point:
All of this is tearing us apart
I don't know where us or this start
All of this is tearing us apart
I don't know where us or this start
I can't even begin to address how serious of a problem our scholarship situation is. It's massive and it's going to hurt us for years (note the plural form of that word). The basic rundown: currently the team sucks because it's severely lacking in both depth and upperclassmen. Desperate to fill the colossal holes in the depth chart, the coaches are going to sign a huge class this year. Very few of them will make a major impact in 2012 (hence next year's inevitable problems). Even in the long term this is damaging, because massive classes are almost always bad ideas. They create logjams for the classes immediately following, and they allow players to get lost in the shuffle (and subsequently transfer, furthering the depth issues). Unfortunately our scholarship situation is so severe, we basically have no choice but to sign a class bursting at the seams.
As the plans turn into compromise
The promises all turn to lies
The spite builds up and I can't get through
Passive me, aggressive you
To say that our plans for this season turned into compromises would be an understatement. "The plans turn into smoking wrecks of despair, doom and misery" would be more apt. I suddenly feel sorry for Tennessee fans for some reason.
Promises turning into lies? Oh, I don't know who I could possibly be thinking about now.
I know I nag. I moan, I know
But with a plan like this it's way too slow
In the time it took to get this bad
I could have made it work but all I had was
The hope that pieces would take shape
And we could watch them all fall into place
I know we're spoiled, nagging brats, Muschamp. I know it's so much harder to do your job than it looks. Don't blame us. We're infantile and impatient and brash and obnoxious. It's sort of our defining feature, really. We just weren't ready to be this bad this fast, nor were we ready for such a deep rebuilding job. We just wanted to move a couple pieces around and watch them all fall into place. Can you blame us?
-------
To Will Muschamp
What: "Help Yourself" by Sad Brad Smith.
Why: Because despite all that message board nonsense, Gator Nation still wants to you to be the answer, Will. I think there are a number of things you could do personally that would help your cause. First, stop with the paranoia. Is whatever minor benefit you get from banning fans and media from practice worth the ill will it inspires in both shunned groups? Second, don't be so damn prickly all the time. Yes, losing sucks, but it distresses me more to see the head coach flustered at a press conference. There will be losses. Learn to handle them without devolving into a Killbot 2000 and people won't get so angry along with you. Lastly, smack Weis when he starts doing stupid things. I'm probably the last person clinging on to the Weis bandwagon, but even I will willingly admit he made a number of huge errors this year. You're the head coach. He has to listen to you.
The Point:
I know you'll help us when
You're feeling better and we realize
That it might not be for a long, long time
But we're willing to wait on you
We believe in everything that you can do
If you could only lay down your mind
I want you to try to help yourself
Of course, "a long, long time" in Gainesville is about a year, but it's all relative, right? Ultimately you're going to have to win, but until that happens (and I still believe it will) you could help yourself a great deal by making some fairly minor changes.
-------
The Offense, 2011
What: "To The Dregs" by Wavves, a surf-punk band of garage rock vintage.
Why: BECAUSE THE OFFENSE WAS GREAT THIS YEAR. WHAT DO YOU MEAN "HORROR SHOW?" NANANANANANANA I CANT HEAR YOU NANANANANANANA I'M JUST RETRO ROCKING AND DRINKING AT THE BEACH NANANANANANANANA WHEEEEEEEE
The Point:
You see me I don't care
You see me I don't care
You see me I don't care
You see me I don't care
You see me I don't care
You see me I don't care
You see me I don't care
You see me I don't care
LA LA LA LA SUNSHINE AND PUPPIES AND HAPPINESS. LA LA LA LA
-------
The Defense, 2011
What: "A Real Hero" by College feat. Electric Youth.
Why: Because this defense is the only thing between Florida an actual disaster of a season. I'm talking about three or four wins, maximum. It'll be lost in the carnage of this season, but this was a heroic effort. Considering the lack of seniors and depth, the new system and the youth all over the place, they were fantastic. As far as I can tell, they're generally younger than the 2007 unit which was torched regularly, but went on to become the rolling death machine we all knew and loved in 2008 and 2009. I know that past success is no indicator of future results, but you'll have to forgive me if I go a little overboard on the hype. This defense is the life raft in a sea of failure and incompetence. I'm going to cling to it until it sinks.
The Point:
Back against the wall and odds
With the strength of a will and a cause
Your pursuits are called outstanding
You're emotionally complex
Against the grain left to stop at claims
Not the thoughts your actions entertain
And you have proved to be
A real human being
And a real hero
Real human being
And a real hero
Real human being
And a real hero
Real human being
And a real hero
Real human being
[Paul Rhoads] I. AM. SO. PROUD. [/Paul Rhoads]
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To Urban Meyer
What: "Shove It" by Santogold.
Why: Because I can forgive the lying. I can forgive taking another job this soon. I can forgive a lot of stuff. What I'm not going to forget is trying to take our recruiting coordinator two months before signing day. You're not just taking another job now, Urban, you're actively trying to screw us. Not to mention that it looks like you're starting your recruiting push by going down Muschamp's list. So take your "hard work" and shove it. We think you're a joke.
The Point:
We think you're a joke
Shove your hope where it don't shine
We think you're a joke
Shove your hope where it don't shine
Enjoy Columbus, Urbie. Best of luck to ya.
-------
How to Spend the Offseason, Part One
What: The Electric Daisy Carnival in Vegas next (and every) summer. The song is "Seek Bromance" by Tim Berg.
Why: Sure, summer is a long way away, but dammit I want it now. Some people watch basketball. Some watch soccer (like...uhh...me). Some do weird stuff like work or read books or something. Others fantasize about music festivals they'll probably be too poor to afford attending anyway. Living the dream, guys.
The Point:
I think the video explains it all, right? If ingesting substances of various legalities and rolling (ahem) into a literal horde of gorgeous women, for the unique pleasure of having some European ninnies blow your eardrums with aural sex and blind you with otherworldly light shows in the middle of the night in Vegas doesn't sound fun, you clearly don't roll with the Troll.
So, how do you all plan to pass the long, dark voyage to next Fall? It's an arduous journey to September. Remember to pack extra socks.
(Yes, I know there's still the bowl game. Forgive me if I'm less than thrilled to watch UF fall to 6-7 against Clemson or tOSU).
Please be kind and use good grammar.
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I want to note two things:
1) SBN’s post editor was sent to this planet to ruin me, and
2) The “delete post” button is way too close to the “edit post” button in the admin drop down menu.
Oh, come on. Don't leave your uncle T-bag hangin'.
this was pretty interesting troll...
but i want to know how long this actually took lol
A couple hours to write.
I mull over possible songs all week, though. Especially new stuff, but it’s often difficult to get accurate lyrics for new songs.
It’s fun and helps me rationalize the pain and misery of Florida football.
Oh, come on. Don't leave your uncle T-bag hangin'.
i feel your pain...
try 8 years of it… at least u have better coaches than we did in the lost decade so there is more hope lol… Its even more frustrating when u have talent, but no coaches. You guys will be fine… Just be patient for 2 more years. CFB is about ups and downs. and making sure your ups are longer than your downs lol
I'm not prepared to be down!
I can’t! I won’t!
As God as my witness, I’ll never go .500 again!
Oh, come on. Don't leave your uncle T-bag hangin'.
by Troll2Troll on Dec 4, 2011 10:49 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
i can tell
you were the visual learner in school… the one who still hates books with no pictures! its ok i hate reading too…
If Scarlett O'Hara is wrong...
I don’t want to be right. Wait. That doesn’t work. Scarlett was constantly wrong.
…I’ll….I’ll get back to you with a witty remark.
Oh, come on. Don't leave your uncle T-bag hangin'.
haha ok :)
its ok i wasn’t making fun, i was just stating that i am not the only one who would rather watch a movie than read a book lol
Fun fact: I actually have perforated an eardrum at a concert.
It was exceptionally painful. My hearing was screwed up for some months, and to this day (6 years later) any changes in pressure can be problematic.
Earplugs, kids! They’re not just for old people!
Oh, come on. Don't leave your uncle T-bag hangin'.
I get a ringing in my right ear (and sometimes left one) due to an incident with a black-cat firework about five years ago.
I had two in my right hand, went to light a third one, thought it wasn’t lit, when I realized it was, I threw it down and covered my ears.
Well, apparently, because I had the lighter in my right hand, it lit one of the ones I was holding, so when I put my hands over my ears. BAM! To make matters worse, I was in a basement/garage so it was twice as loud.
The ringing isn’t so bad. I’m used to it now. It’ll ring for 5-10 seconds like once a month, but not every month. I’d say like 10 times a year. It’s weird though, everything gets quieter but I can still hear what is going on, there is just this ringing. It isn’t a loud ring, but I notice it.
It reminds me of what happens when both speakers are playing, and then the music switches to one speaker, and add a ringing for a 5-10 seconds.
Editor at Alligator Army, a place that doesn't, you know, glorify concussions.
GoGators82 said it best: "Dollar Store cheap!"
Fireworks are the real deal.
One of my more…dim…friends held a mortar against his chest and lit one of those professional fireworks in it. Unfortunately he put the thing in backwards. The burns up and down his arms looked interesting, at least.
Oh, come on. Don't leave your uncle T-bag hangin'.
Haha! Reminds me of the time when some buddies and I at a party, decided to go out to the back porch and line up 75 bottle rockets and offer $100 cash to anyone willing to walk (no running allowed) through it wearing one of those fat-man costumes.
This one poor soul did took the wager. Got hit like 10 times, burned the fat-man costume, which in turn melted onto the skin on his arms. It was so gross. There were like 3 of us lighting all of these bottle rockets at once. It was crazy.
But yes, quite a bit of beer and liquor involved. And moonshine. But he got his money.
Editor at Alligator Army, a place that doesn't, you know, glorify concussions.
GoGators82 said it best: "Dollar Store cheap!"
For a Gator you have fantastic taste in music
And really, this is actually pretty great overall. I may have to look into doing something like this for TN, with a complete nod to you being the OG of course.
Why is it every time I get 3 stars of police notoriety on GTA IV, Al Golden calls me asking for my commitment?
by Sir Lawrence J on Dec 5, 2011 7:58 PM EST up reply actions
Why thank you.
I’m sure I’m not the first person to do this sort of thing, so I’m not sure I’m the OG, but I’ll take whatever erroneous credit I can get.
Oh, come on. Don't leave your uncle T-bag hangin'.
ALL GATORS HAVE FANTASTIC TASTE IN MUSIC.
…except the band.
by Andy Hutchins on Dec 7, 2011 2:09 AM EST up reply actions
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