Dear Kentucky Athletic Department,
A lot has changed since we last saw you. We controlled our own destiny and Andre Woodson was still a legit Heisman contender after two great performances against LSU and Florida. But our loss to Georgia and your loss to Mississippi State changed all that. And I'm sorry our win against South Carolina knocked you out of the SEC East race. Also, please accept my condolences for your loss to Gardner-Webb in the Coaches vs. Cancer Classic. I know you were looking forward to playing in New York.
I'm writing because I was hoping you could do me a favor. You see, the only way we win the SEC East is in a three way tie with Georgia and Tennessee. I was looking at your schedule and I noticed you play them both in the last two weeks of the season. How convenient!
Of course, you should try to win these games anyway, even if it didn't help Florida out. Think about it; if you win out, you'll finish second in the SEC East. You could get to the Citrus or Outback Bowls! And if you end up here in Tampa, I'll stop by the stadium and personally wish you good luck before the game. Besides, second in the SEC East behind us would be like the two of us in basketball! (Sorry, I probably should not bring up our recent history in that sport.)
If it makes you feel better, by beating Georgia and Tennessee, you will keep out teams that lost by at least 21 points this season. (UGA at UT; UT at Bama and UF.) You're doing a public service! But, what else is in it for you? After discussions with our close personal friends in the UF Athletic Association, we have devised a very appealing prize package should you win out and Florida wins the SEC East.
- We will not finish ahead of you in basketball this season.
- Free Gatorade for a year.
- A lovely fruit basket from the orange groves on the UF campus.
P.S.: If you want, we can finish behind you in women's basketball too!