To: alligatorarmy@gmail.com
From: pennybagsgator@gmail.com
Subject: COCKTAIL PARTY BABY!
Hey mini,
I know this has been a rough few weeks, but you can't get down on the team. Even when we lose, just have a few cocktails and move on to the next game. I got people emailing me they want Urban gone. Come on baby! Urban got me two rings. Relax.
I have to tell you, I'm always relaxed for Georgia week. I bring up a hot paralegal to keep me company. I'm staying in Fernandina because I'm trying to build a condo here (VOTE NO ON 4!) and this Hispanic chica is making for some spicy nights! She's gonna love the recommendation I write her!
Uncle Pennybags is a lawyer and real estate developer from Tampa.
The last time I didn't bring a girl with me was back in the 80s. We lost something like 26-3, and I was on edge the entire week. Carlton Fields had rented a room at the University Club and we were all getting smashed. Well, one Georgia fan decides he's going to fall into the table and knock over the bottle of Johnnie. I'm furious. So I grab the empty bottle and starting pounding him in the back of the head. You'd be surprised how strong Johnnie bottles are. As I'm pounding him, people are screaming, women are crying, but I hear someone yelling, "OH MY! OH MY!" That stuck with me. And that's how Bill Heavener and I picked Mick Hubert to be the Voice of The Gators. Maybe if Tom Morgan didn't try pulling me off the guy, he wouldn't be stuck in Gator Network control.
Anyway, I know everyone is bound to fly off the handle. I'm still holding back a few million from the UAA, and it's fine to get angry. Last Saturday, I was hitting balls at Old Memorial when a FSU fan and his kid came by. Of course, he ripped on the Gators. So I ripped my next shot into the side of his face. It wouldn't have been too bad, if he didn't fall into the kid too. But the guy eventually regained consciousness and Old Memorial didn't kick me out once they realized who counsel for their housing development was. (Again, NO ON 4.) The point is that it's ok to be upset.
Anyway, sorry that you won't be able to see the ass on Mariachristina in Jax this year. Yes, I did hear you rip on the Cocktail Party in your podcast. I get it. And I'm sure your podcasts will improve once your balls drop.
Go Gators!
Uncle Pennybags