Fur-Man and The Paladins: Florida Football as Music and Film

(Promoted while I catch up on things. — Andy)

Where Florida Is:

This season is an absolute good thing. The coming beatdown from the Noles is a good thing. No, I'm not totally deranged (yet), so hear me out.

Like many of you, I was born in Orange and Blue. Like many of you, my formative years coincided with Spurrier's time in Gainesville. I never knew anything but Florida domination. That was until a man named Ron took over in the Swamp, and whatever ideas I had about the eternal reign of the Gators were swiftly and completely destroyed.

It occurred to me recently that many younger Gators out there today came to the team after Zook's departure, and have only really known Meyer and Muschamp. If that description fits any of you, let me tell you that these are the days that pay off in the future. It's losing two straight to the Cocks, two straight to the Bayou Bengals, three straight to the Tide and any to the Dawgs that make success afterwards so sweet. You put your time in with a bad team like this, and the championships to come will fill you with the most satisfyingly happy feelings you can get from this sport. I broke down and cried in January 2007, after watching the Gators complete the most magical season I'll ever see. I cried that night from joy, because I cried in October 2004 from the pain of a brutal loss to LSU in the Swamp. They ran the same damn play the whole way down the field on their game-winning drive, and we could do nothing to stop them. It was a horrible night, and it was one of the last nights of Zook's tenure. Without the blown leads and general incompetence of the Zook years, the Meyer years would not have seemed nearly as special. 

2010/2011 is our new perspective readjustment. It's the memory of the misery of a losing season in the SEC which will provide the greatest joy in future conquests. So while it's going to sting like a wasp to finish 6-6, this year is actually good for us. It takes a long-view focus and a healthy dose of patience to see that, but it's there. With that in mind, I give you...

What: "Sadness is a Blessing" by the outstanding Lykke Li, a Swedish (again with the Swedes!) singer with soul to spare.

Why: Because our current sadness truly is a blessing. It sure doesn't feel like it now, but it will.

The Point: 

I ranted, I pleaded, I beg him not to go
For sorrow, the only lover I've ever known 

Sadness is a blessing
Sadness is a pearl
Sadness is my boyfriend
Oh, sadness I'm your girl 

These scars of mine make wounded rhymes tonight
I dream of times when you were mine so I 
Can keep it like a haunting
Heart beating close to mine 

Sadness, for the time being, I'm your girl.


The Opponent


What: "That Beep" by Australian modernist weirdos Architecture in Helsinki. No, I don't have any idea what this song or video is about, either. Damn if it isn't catchy, though.

Why: Because what in the blue hell is a Paladin, anyway? Nonsense music for a nonsense mascot. Der Googlemeister says the Paladins were the foremost warriors in Charlemagne's court. That's moderately cool, I suppose, but it's completely hipster'd, so I'm still keeping them with the Australian whackos. 


I never knew your middle name
No need to play that game
I called your doctor up
And he promised me pain was fun

Tried a little bit of moving on
It lasted way too long
Dressed up as bubblegum
I'm stuck to your shoe, let's run
Can you give me that

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep

Says it all, really. Profound blue people from the upside down part of the world.


Where Is Florida With A Victory:

What: "The wrong kind of orgasm" scene from Woody Allen's wonderful 1979 film, "Manhattan." 

Why: Because just like there's no such thing as the wrong kind of orgasm, there's no such thing as the wrong kind of victory. Especially not when you need another one to qualify for a bowl. I'm still embarrassed to be playing FCS teams, but everyone needs a slumpbuster once in a while. So, Furman, you're the girl at the bar carrying a couple extra...hundred...pounds, and you're coming back to Casa Del Muschamp tonight. 

The Point:

"I've never had the wrong kind. Ever. Ever. My worst one was right on the money."

Six wins is a bowl berth. A bowl berth is 15 extra practices this team needs desperately. So, UF 56 - Furman 10...right on the money.

Edit: Embedding disabled?! What kind of a twisted freak disables embeds?


Where Is Florida With A Loss

What: The Castle Bravo nuclear test set to Messa Di Requiem.

Why: If Florida loses to Furman, we don't need to fire Muschamp. We need to nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.*

The Point:

I think the video made my point pretty well.


Songs For Our Former Coaches

The confluence of UF losing to Spurrier, Meyer inching closer towards another job, and Zook staring down the barrel of another firing has inspired me to do a little special section on our former HBCs.

A Song For Spurrier

What: "Tick of the Clock" by The Chromatics, a band out of Portland with a really unique mixture of different styles. This song was featured in the movie "Drive" recently.

Why: The clock is ticking, Steve. It's counting down your storied career. It's counting down this current Gamecock ownership of the series. You've done a great job selling your new school on optimism and belief, but deep down you know the truth. You know it better than anyone. This is a blip for the history books. A speed bump on the march towards inevitability. It wouldn't shock me if you retired this season. The East is as low as it's ever likely to be, but you'll be on the couch with the Gators come SECCG weekend. How many more chances do you'll think you'll get with UF, UT and UGA teams this weak?

The Point:

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. If not now, when?


A Song For Zook

What: "Ghosts" by Ladytron, an awesomely named quartet from England who dabble in all sorts of musical styles, and do it all extremely well.

Why: Because the truth is, Ron, part of me feels sorry you. I hated your guts when you were here, but I know that you never gave less than everything you had. I know how much this job meant to you. I can only imagine how bad it must have hurt to lose this in the middle of your third season. Your recruits led directly to what will always be my favorite season, and although you would have never in a million years coached them to such success, you deserve credit for bringing them here in the first place.

The Point:

There's a ghost through me
who wants to say "I'm sorry"
Doesn't mean I'm sorry

A ghost in me wants to say I'm sorry, Ron, for the humiliation of a midseason firing. For joining in the "Fire Zook!" chants. For downloading a photo editing tool just to put a damn strikethrough your face for my message board signature. 

But I'm not going to say sorry, Ron, because I'm not sorry. You had to go. I wish it wasn't so acrimonious and bitter, but it had to happen.


A Song For Meyer

What: "Hope You're Happy Now" by The Sounds, a Swedish (SWEDES!!!) rock band with post-punk/New Wave flavors.

Why: Meyer met with Arizona's AD recently, and although he declined the job, the fact that he took the meeting at all is a pretty clear signal that he'll be on somebody's sideline in 2012. I'm not one of those Gators who's particularly angry with Meyer over how and why he left, although I am pretty peeved at some of his recruiting efforts (specifically the catastrophic 2008 class). However, Meyer taking a coaching job in 2012, after a whole year off for "family" and "health," pretty much blows up whatever reasoning he gave for leaving Florida. I don't know why he left, but it sure as hell wasn't what he said it was. 

The Point: 

They call me a slut
Then call me a liar
Got so many names now
I can't even deny it
They call me a thief
They put up a fight
Try to bury me six feet under the ground

So this song is from me to you
You make me mad and you make me blue
You're looking like I do
You know I can see you
We dance the same groove
But I got the right move

Hope your happy now
But I'm not giving in
I hope you're satisfied
With your bullshit and your lies
Hope your happy now
But I'm not giving up
I hope your satisfied
Can't bury me alive

I hope you're happy in State College, or Columbus, or wherever it is you end up. Honestly, I do hope that. I'll always remember the amazing seasons you brought us here. I don't appreciate being lied to, though. I didn't appreciate you dumping the incompetent fool Addazio on us. I don't appreciate you leaving us in the lurch two years in a row, for family or health reasons, only to stay away from coaching the bare minimum amount of time. 

Whatever your reasons were for wanting to get away, you should just own them. Spurrier essentially blamed the fans and our ridiculous expectations, and he's still widely loved here. No one would hold it against you if you said it was too big to handle any more. Just stop using your personal life as a shield if you're going to keep coaching. I'll almost certainly accept whatever your real reasoning is, I just want you to own it.


*On that Aliens note, is anyone else shaking with excitement over Prometheus? The trailer should drop any week now, and I'm going to lose it when it does.

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