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Ranking Florida's 2016 recruiting class by Twitter handles

The most important rankings we could create.

Student Sports

You have no doubt heard that Florida signed some recruits yesterday, and maybe that some other stuff happened. And there will be rankings to come, of instant-impact chances and future potential and importance.

But if I'm being honest, this one is the most fun: Here is a ranking of Florida's 25 signees in its 2016 recruiting class purely by their Twitter handles.

The Backwards One

25. @HeggieBrett74, Brett Heggie

While I would give Heggie points for being the first to send in his National Letter of Intent on Wednesday if this were a more holistic review of Twitter presences, I can't in good conscience reward Heggie for not being fast enough to get @brettheggie and going with surname first. To me, it just looks weird, and always will, to have surnames come before first names. And Heggie's the only 2016 Gators signee for whom this is true.

The Hot Dog Package

24. @18franks, Feleipe Franks

I get why Franks would put his high school number before his surname in his Twitter handle. That makes sense. I still think of Oscar Meyer when I see it.

The Basic Handles

23. @ktrask9, Kyle Trask
22. @jordansmith125, Jordan Smith
21. @jmoon50, Jeremiah Moon
20. @J_Hammond5, Joshua Hammond
19. @Rick_Wells3, Rick Wells
18. @Dreese18, David Reese
17. @QuincyLenton01, Quincy Lenton
16. @jawaan_taylor74, Jawaan Taylor
15. @eddypineiro1, Eddy Pineiro
14. @Joseph_Putu, Joseph Putu
13. @stone_forsythe, Stone Forsythe

Here we have a bunch of talented athletes who just picked Twitter handles that would have worked as AIM screen names. Demerits go to Moon for not using his very cool full name; plaudits are in order for Forsythe keeping his awesome name clean of a number, though I do wish he'd considered a pun.

My Name Is My Name

12. @Tyrie_1, Tyrie Cleveland

Tyrie is a good and mellifluous first name. It's also maybe not the most distinctive first name. So the confidence to go by only it is both bold and a little sad because of the potential The Cleveland Show puns. (Note: The Cleveland Show has inspired far worse.)


11. @MarkT_RB5, Mark Thompson

Mark Thompson is a good, strong name (I say this as the son of a Mark), but it's also a little boring. Sprucing it up with a position and number, and making it a rhyming name? Strong work.

My Name Is Not My Name

10. @__kok___, Jeawon Taylor

I have no idea why Jeawon Taylor's Twitter name is what it is, and I've dug a little bit before. KO Kid would be a cool nickname for a hard-hitting safety if this were 2004 and we didn't know what CTE was! But the only thing I think of when I read it as "kay-oh-KAY" is Jeezy's "Me OK," which is not really a good song?

For Centurieeeees

9. @Perine_era_26, Lamical Perine

You have to be at least a little confident to throw "era" in your Twitter handle.

My Name Is Awesome

8. @antonneousc, Antonneous Clayton

Handy as a spelling guide! (See also: @keivonnis.)

I Know Where I Am

7. @D1Masseyy, Dre Massey

I miss referring to Division 1 football. I'd deduct a point for the extra Y, but whatever.


6. @gloryboy_Sean, Vosean Joseph

It's been a long while since I've read Drew Magary rail against Gregg Easterbrook's pejorative use of "glory boys," but I'm very much okay with Joseph reclaiming it.

I Know What I Do

5. @Freddie_iball2, Freddie Swain

Not cocky, it's confident.

The Nickname

4. @Calle8_, C.J. McWilliams

I am calling him Calle Ocho and I don't care.

I Know What I Am

3. @Pahokee_Beast, McArthur Burnett

McArthur Burnett's name is McArthur Burnett, and he takes pictures like he's trying to scare the camera. Picking a handle that doesn't incorporate his awesome government name and still conveys exactly who he is? High marks.

I'm That...

2. @StillDat_, Chauncey Gardner

Gardner seemingly talks more trash per tweet than any other Florida athlete-to-be ever. He is that dude. He is still that dude, in fact. And he won't let you forget it.

I Know What I Want To Do

1. @RetireMoms, Jachai Polite

Simple. Effective. Beautiful.