Week 13 college football open thread: Cupcakes before Thanksgiving

The Florida Gators are off again, for an unprecedented third time in the modern era of college football, leaving us Florida fans with another free weekend with no really compelling reason to sit and watch the rest of the nation’s schedule.

But I figured I’d throw a sentence out on what should be Gator Nation’s rooting interests on all of the day’s games, because that seemed fun and not insane at the time. Teams you should root for, if you don’t want the reasoning, are in bold.

• No. 9 Penn State at No. 2 Ohio State: The Nittany Lions would make Florida’s New Year’s Six odds longer by winning, but I’m not rooting for Ohio State, and neither should you.
• Western Carolina at No. 5 Alabama: Come on.
• No. 8 Minnesota at Northwestern: Get the Gophers out of that top 10, team with no discernible offense!
• Samford at No. 12 Auburn: Come on.
• Illinois at No. 20 Iowa: Illinois has had more smoke and mirrors than a David Copperfield show this year, so I’d love to see Iowa restore some order.
• No. 22 Oklahoma State at West Virginia: Yee, and I cannot stress this enough, who cares?
• BYU at UMass: UMass is horrendous, and it’s fun to remember that UMass is partly horrendous because the offensive coordinator Willie Taggart scapegoated last year, costing Florida State Sam Howell in the process, is UMass head coach Walt Bell.
• UCF at Tulane: Again, come on.
• Ball State at Kent State: Golden Flashes is a cool nickname.
• East Carolina at UConn: I forgot to make a pick here on first pass, which makes sense.
• Liberty at Virginia: Pick Jefferson over Falwell.
• Kansas at Iowa State: I don’t think Matt Campbell’s job status changes too much based on the rest of his results this year — either he’s headed to a Big Ten school or he’s not — but Les Miles scoring a win over a wunderkind would be fun.
• Michigan State at Rutgers: Speaking of Big Ten schools where Matt Campbell could coach, let’s have the wheels fall all the way off for Sparty.
• South Alabama at Georgia State: U-S-A! U-S-A!
• Air Force at New Mexico: Did you know Bob Davie’s been at New Mexico for seven years? I want him to get to 3-9 for the third consecutive one and see if he gets retained again.
• Boston College at No. 16 Notre Dame: To keep the Irish from snaking a NY6 spot.
• Texas State at No. 25 Appalachian State: It’s fun to root for Appalachian State when the Mountaineers aren’t on your schedule.
• Georgia Southern at Arkansas State: People don’t forget.
• Texas A&M at No. 4 Georgia: Grown millionaires named Jimbo and Kirby. What a world.
• No. 19 Texas at No. 13 Baylor: For chaos and NY6 purposes.
• No. 15 Michigan at Indiana: It’d be funny!
• SMU at No. 23 Navy: Go Navy, beat the Mustangs.
• Mercer at North Carolina: Whee!
• Pittsburgh at Virginia Tech: Gotta say: I don’t care.
• UCLA at USC: Gotta say: I think Clay Helton’s zombie season has been amusing.
• Marshall at Charlotte: Gotta say: These new Division 1-A teams are confusing!
• Louisiana Tech at UAB: In memory of Jeff Driskel.
• North Texas at Rice: I had an aunt go to Rice.
• Western Kentucky at Southern Mississippi: Imagine if there were a human who spent their life partially in western Kentucky and southern Mississippi, and that this human had actual emotional turmoil about this game.
• Nebraska at Maryland: Poor Scott Frost.
• East Tennessee State at Vanderbilt: I guess I want Derek Mason to stay?
• UT Martin at Kentucky: No, I can’t justify this vis-a-vis the rooting interest immediately above it.
• Purdue at No. 14 Wisconsin: Sure.
• No. 18 Memphis at South Florida: Why not?
• UTEP at New Mexico State: Remember that one New Mexico State fan who used to comment around these parts?
• California at Stanford: SCREW YOUR DAMN TREE.
• Syracuse at Louisville: Babersmania < Satterfieldnalia.
• San Jose State at UNLV: For the field with the poker chips, which I like.
• Old Dominion at Middle Tennessee: Holy hell, this is a real football game.
• Coastal Carolina at UL Monroe: Also a real football game!
• Troy at Louisiana: I still respect Louisiana’s flagship state university.
• Florida Atlantic at UTSA: Because screw Lane Kiffin.
• Arkansas at No. 1 LSU: BRING DAT WOOD.
• Temple at No. 17 Cincinnati: I guess?
• No. 24 Kansas State at Texas Tech: Sure?
• Miami at Florida International: Just don’t fight?
• No. 6 Oregon at Arizona State: Let’s go, Fighting Herms!
• Houston at Tulsa: Because Golden Hurricane is still my favorite nonsense nickname.
• Abilene Christian at Mississippi State: #KeepJoeMoorhead.
• Tennessee at Missouri: What a fun basketball rivalry!
• Duke at Wake Forest: What a fun basketball rivalry in 1997!
• TCU at No. 10 Oklahoma: Why does Gary Patterson get to just have no-thrill seasons ad infinitum at TCU?
• Oregon State at Washington State: Mike Leach is a charlatan!
• No. 7 Utah at Arizona: You don’t wanna see the Pac-12 in the Playoff, either.
• Washington at Colorado: Pass the dutchie.
• No. 21 Boise State at Utah State: Sincere thanks for starting this year’s FSU off on the correct foot, Smurfs.
• Nevada at Fresno State: Sincere thanks for producing the coach who brought Florida Kyle Trask, other FSU.
• San Diego State at Hawai’i: GO ‘BOWS.