Florida vs. LSU, Game Thread: Can we just have a normal one?

When the Florida Gators and LSU Tigers meet on a football field, it’s been more likely than not that something bizarre — a skeleton cat, a turf angel in the end zone, a thrown cleat — will be part of the package. That’s just what happens when these programs meet.

But what I’m proposing is that this doesn’t happen this year.

Yeah, Billy Napier and Brian Kelly don’t necessarily mean less chaos than Will Muschamp and Les Miles or Dan Mullen and Ed Orgeron, and two quarterbacks who could hardly be described as metronomic will be involved.

But what I would like is for Florida and LSU to just play a good, clean, old-fashioned game of football. Maybe one team will win by 10! Hopefully, that team will be Florida! And neither team will try a trick play involving a defensive back or a punter or a kicker!

I realize, as I type these words, just how ridiculous this all sounds — it would be more normal, really, to expect and embrace the endless ridiculousness just like MTV has. Florida and LSU, fated to tango, have been unable to do anything but engineer cascades of chaos in their storied rivalry.

But I’m tired. I want a simple Florida-LSU game. For once. Please. Don’t make me keep milk on hand for the spice. Please. I’m begging. I want my brain unbroken at midnight, and a good memory of Florida’s first officially designated Tom Petty Game.

Please.

Go Gators.